So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
