My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
