Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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