it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize
