I have demons in me.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
