If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
