You can't special order awesome
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
