addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
