I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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