I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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