Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
FUCK WHALES
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
