Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
