FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I FOUND THE LEGS
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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