You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
