Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
