This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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