Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
