she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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