I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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