i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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