Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
