And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
