i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
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He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
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Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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