3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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