There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
