he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
