1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
