Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
