She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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