my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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