Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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