if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
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just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
FUCK WHALES
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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