This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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