just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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