Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
