Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
