So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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