Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Blood and glitter go together right?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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