Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He better not be in your backpack
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
