You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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