She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I would fuck him just for his dog
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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