dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We had sex on a dog bed..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
