I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
