physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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