She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Send us your Text From Last Night!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Loading more great texts...