We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
