it was like his penis was on wheels.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
