I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
