wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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