God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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