So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
