I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
