just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
