So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
