i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
