under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
