I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
