Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i think i just lost a toe
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
