I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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