Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
BRING THE BAGELS
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
