There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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