She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
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he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
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Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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