i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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