she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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