It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
