not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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