A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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