whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
