I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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