now i know why i became what i already was.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I see more hoeing in ur future
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
