Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
