If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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