btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
