I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
