i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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