So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
