People in love make me want to vomit
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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