Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize