I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
