i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
