Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
